Archive 14th November 2020

Year of Hell!

Roughly 12 months ago marks the start of the shittyest year of my life! And I’ve had some pretty crap times medically over the years!

12 months ago was the starting point of the process for me getting diagnosed with bladder cancer. For which I still have to go back into hospital every few months, for the next few years for checks to ensure it doesn’t come back. Gillian was in shock when I told her the confirmed diagnosis at the start of the year. She was so worried when the word ‘cancer’ was mentioned. Fortunately, it’s one of the easiest ones to treat and by the time it was confirmed I’d already had an operation to remove what they found.

As the months rolled on in 2020 a close uncle of mine died of cancer. Not long after that, my darling wife and soulmate Gillian was diagnosed with cancer and passed away just a couple of weeks later, at home, in my arms. Things happened so quickly!

For all the medical problems, diagnoses and operations I’ve had in the past. Including removing an internal organ, multiple tumours removed from my spine & ribcage. Some nearly the size of a tennis ball. + more

Why am I still here?.. When what often appears to be better, stronger, healthier people are not! I just have to hold on to the belief that there is some reason for it.

But I tell you, it’s bloody painful! There are some amazingly good times to be had in life. The past 8 years with Gillian have been the best! But one thing life, is not.. and that’s fair!

There have been other personal things going on the last 12 months as well, which I’m not going to talk about here. But please note, not one mention of covid or lockdown in the above! Quite frankly those don’t even scratch the surface of the past 12 months for me!

The purpose of this post is to highlight the fact that although everyone has been shouting about 2020 being the worst year ever due to lockdown restriction. There are families out there who are going though so much more pain and grief and suffering on top of what people are complaining about!

  • Time is precious! make the most of it!
  • Don’t waste hours each day playing on your phone!
  • Go outside and enjoy the world in which we live!
  • Be kind to each other & don’t take anything for granted!
  • Be grateful for everything you have! no matter how much or how little that may be.
  • Focus on your strengths, not what you ‘think’ are flaws and weaknesses!
  • It’s your life, no one else’s, don’t let others control you!
  • Concentrate on the positives and be happy!

Happiness and Love are the two most valuable things we have. Not money or fame. If you disagree, then you’ve never truly known either Happiness or Love. I’ve lost nearly all mine in recent months, so I understand the value of them.

Please, take care and look after yourselves.

P.s. This was one of those awake through the night brain dumps, due to current sleep disruption. Hope it makes sense, I’m fairly sure some of Gillian’s words have made it in there also.